Second Hand Discrimination

This afternoon I was put in an unfortunately familiar situation. I do not look like my nationality and most people do not think I am gay. This often leads to me experiencing what I like to call Second Hand Discrimination, which like second hand smoke, results in an innocent bystander being harmed by somebody else's dirty habit.

I like to define Second Hand Discrimination as when a person insults, discriminates against or make jokes about a certain group to you (or to others in your presence,) not knowing you are a member of that group. This is different than when somebody does it knowingly because it lets you realize what views/prejudices this individual really holds against you and yours that they would normally be too polite/reserved/afraid/seemingly liberal to say in your presence.

This sort of thing puts you in a dilemma. Do you speak up and make yourself a new enemy? (This is especially tricky if this individual only made a comment because they felt comfortable around you to begin with.) Do you brush it off because you have a thick skin and it was a (relatively) harmless comment? Or do you try to 'educate' the individual on why the comment was wrong in as nonjudgmental a manner as you can? The matter is tricky.

Today I had a chance to speak out against something wrong and I did not. I'm ashamed of myself. I seen what I should have done but I was just too tired. I didn't want to have to go through a big song and dance and have everybody see me as somebody they have to censor themselves around, so I let it go--sometimes I just want life to be easier. I rationalized that because nobody was harmed it was alright, I could let it go this once. I knew it was the wrong decision as soon as I made it but by then the moment had passed and I've been kicking myself all day. Now it's quarter after three in the morning and I can't sleep.

Next time I will definitely say something.

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